Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
