Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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