I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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