New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
