we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
