Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
