Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
