I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
