Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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