she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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