Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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