Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
