he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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