my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
