Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
