she woke up with a sticky ear
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
