He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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