is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
