Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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