i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
