You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
