I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
