Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
