We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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