why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
