shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
