I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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