I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
