Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
