any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
