Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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