Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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