i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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