sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I intend to get homeless drunk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mom said you looked used
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
