It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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