Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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