no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
