Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
