you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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