Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
