I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
