so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
