i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
