we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
