Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
