Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
