Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
