I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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