I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
