Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
